Interspecies Relations
by Tartan
Summary: CONTAINS FEMSLASH UNDERTONES! Two doctors are invited to teach about human culture on the Andalite Homeworld, however no diplomatic mission isn't without its complications.
1. Chapter One

"You'd think that with all that land, they'd have a bigger population," the girl noted to her father as she looked out the window down to the alien planet. Maybe all planets with life on them looked similar to Earth, for that was her first observation in looking at the sphere. She'd thought maybe the oceans be purple and the land orange or something like that, but no, it was the standard blue oceans, green and brown land with two polar caps. More land though, with more blue on it than Earth, almost the same size though. Werid.

"Well humans can live just as well in a twelve by twelve room than they can in a mile wide radius, food provided. However with Andalites its different, they're like horses, they need to be able to move around when grazing. Terribly claustrophobic too, form what I hear." The man answered.

"Funny then they can space travel at all," she decided, and dug out of her jacket pocket a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. That were immediately snatched out of her hands by her Father.

"You know you're not allowed to smoke these outside of your quarters"

"But we're almost there!" She argued snatching for them.

"You're still onboard, plus it won't be polite to be smoking in front of their ambassador."

"Like he'll know what they are or for. Hell, we could just tell him they're the ultimate sign of respect and he'd believe us."

"No Kate, and I should really just flush them down the toilet. Filthy habit." He said, glaring at the box.

"You'd owe me $5.25 for them then, and how many times do I have to tell you its legal, I'm twenty."

"I'm aware of that," he sniffed, placing them into his own inside jacket pocket. "You can have these back when we get settled, you're not going to make your introductions like we live in South Central L.A."

"What?" She said, not quite understanding the reference.

"Like you have no manners!" he clarified, waving his arms around, exasperated.

Kate rolled her eyes, and turned away back to the window. She wouldn't act like a petulant child and scream for the stupid things, she had packs of cigarettes in her quarters anyway, she wouldn't miss one. She allowed her father the indulgences of still treating her at times like she was fifteen because that was had old she'd been when it happened to them. After that, it'd just been the yeerks talking for them; they'd been living puppets, except for when they'd fed. Agonizingly on separate days. Now it was like waking up from a big sleep, the years had passed, she'd graduated from high school, gone for a year to college already, her dad had gone to his work at the university, but it had been dream like. Where you didn't choose the actions you just sat back and watched, not knowing what would happen next, and never knowing when you'd wake up.

The ship she was on was a human built space-ship, one of the first of its kind, the first line of human built ships that could travel in Z-space. They were only used for diplomatic missions right now, and that's just what this was. Her father, Dr. Krakow, was a leading voice in modern anthropology. He'd written ten books on studies he'd conducted on modern cultures and their interrelations with each other, even one with the yeerk in his brain. He was considered at the front of his field, and that's why he'd been asked by the government to go to the Andalite Homeworld to teach at their University of Extraterrestrial Anthropology and Xeno-Biology on modern human cultures. Ironically enough, Dr. Krakow now considered himself the first _human_ Extraterrestrial anthropologist, after this mission of course. The course was for scientists, soldiers, and anthropologists who would be going to Earth. Along with him would be Dr. Christine Malloy, who was an expert on modern linguistics, in order to teach colloquial language in many tongues to interested Andalites to better understand their human counter-parts. Kate was going to be her father's assistant; she'd decided she might as well follow her already famous father's footprints in this field, especially since she'd had yet to decide on a major on Earth. It was also an opportunity no one else had ever had before.

"Fifteen minutes until touchdown", said the cool female voice of the ship's computer.

Kate started walking back to her quarters, to put her hair up in a position agreeable to her father and to grab her notebook. She was expected to take notes for him all through-out the day for him that he'd type up at the end of the day in reports. How polite an Andalite would consider _that_ she had no idea.

* * *

A/N: This was a short preview, mostly because of my time limit; otherwise it would have been longer. Also, I have never finished a fanfic before, and I hope this'll be my first completed. So please review if you want me to finish it. 


	2. Chapter Two

(I am Prince Balat-Astroph-Illium, are you Doctor Silas Herman Krakow and Doctor Christine Fatima Malloy?) The Andalite asked as soon as the three humans emerged from the ship. The man he believed was in the prime of his life was thin blonde hair and large blue colored eyes that he wore glass covers in front of. He was a little taller than himself with a slightly protruding stomach. The female was much younger, a young adult with red colored hair that fell from only one point at the back of her head to her shoulders. Her eyes were the same color of his own species, and she held pages of paper with a writing apparatus in her hand. Amazingly primitive. The other, an older female, had black hair, darker skin than the other two and brown eyes, she too was plumper than the younger female, and he wondered if age in humans was signified by more body fat.

"Yes, but you can call me Dr. Krakow if you like. This is my daughter Katarina," he said placing his hand on the young female's shoulder.

"Call me Kate," she answered with a nod.

"And me Christine," the other female said grimacing and showing her teeth. An expression he didn't know what to make of, but he assumed it was positive.

(It pleases to meet you all, I understand it is polite on your planet to offer food after a journey?) The Prince asked, his own assistant bringing forth a plate of cinnabons.

"Kate, write this down!" Dr. Krakow whispered to his daughter, and she quickly scribbled down the event. Balat was unsure exactly what this custom meant but he did not question it.

"Thank you," Christine said and took one off the plate. From the rumors she'd heard she knew she'd probably be eating a lot of these while she was here.

"Yes, this is most gracious of you," the other Doctor agreed taking one for himself and his daughter who upraised her thumb at him for some reason. He began feeling as if perhaps he should consider taking the course.

(You are welcome.) The Prince answered. He gestured to a small skimmer ship, (We shall now journey to your host's homes and meet with the board of advisors of the University.)

"You _vill_ come vith us. Ve shall haff cake and ice cream. It _vill _be magnificent." Kate parodied Prince Balat. He'd set himself up after all.

He looked at her for a few seconds, absolutely confused by the random statement, while Christine laughed, and Dr. Krakow grimaced.

(Pardon?) He finally asked.

"Just ignore her." Dr. Krakow advised while stepping on Kate's foot making her cry out in pain briefly. Balat took the advice and took the place next to his assistant who would drive the ship. Humans were a strange people indeed, strangest he'd encountered so far in his career as third assistant to the head ambassador.

The humans took their cue in his lead and stood behind him on the spacious platform of the ship. Despite what Kate expected, there was no rude jolt when the ship lifted up and took off, indeed, she only felt the wind whipping across her as they skimmed along the Andalite landscape as they left the nesting cradles and landing ships behind. She looked out across at asparagus shaped trees, tress that looked a lot like cedars, and trees that looked more like vines knotted together with various undergrowth beneath them whip by; the ground beneath a collage of blue, green and red grass that brushed across the bottom of the ship with a gentle sloshing sound.

"Oh my, what is _that_?" Christine asked as she pointed up in the sky. Kate looked up with the others and spied what looked like a black hawk with six wings highlighted in a warm purple.

(That is a Kafit bird, a common species of our planet, indeed it can be found mostly everywhere.) Prince Balat informed them.

"Its just lovely," Christine said.

"Hey!" Kate cried at a jolt in the side from her father breaking her attention away from the alien bird's unique locomotion.

"You're not note-taking," he told her in a tone he'd use when she wasn't trying at the piano.

"What's there to note? Seating arrangements in common Andalite vehicles?" She asked.

"No, the Kafit bird."

"I thought we were studying the culture not the animal life." She pointed out.

"Both, our journals will be one of the first documentations of this planet after all," he father told her in an important air.

Kate simpered, and started taking notes again. She'd make sure he'd be the one paying the doctor bill when she got carpal tunnel syndrome.

* * *

(And when are they due to arrive?) Norwith asked his wife.

(At the fourteenth hour my love,) she answered, on the other side of their scoop making a last few arrangements on their possessions. She liked to entertain, and she was perhaps the one in the family who looked on their government issued mission with the most pleasure. It would be quite a challenge to her hospitality skills to entertain an alien species. Her husband felt slightly bothered, but was curious. His son was indifferent for the most part, and his daughter had been mostly silent on the subject.

Estrid was watching her mother, feeling a loving condescension towards her. Wondering how long her nerves last against a species as high strung and aggressive as humans were. Of course her parents had no idea she'd ever been to Earth, much less that her absence had been nothing more than an exploratory mission gone wrong. She had sometimes wondered why she'd been suffered to live; after all it would have been so easy for the Electorate to say she'd just perished along with Arbat. Maybe they knew if she did talk, no one believe her anyway, not that she did.

However this sudden assignment for the government made her suspicious, why her family of all the families on the planet? Her father was a scientist, her brother an exhibitionist fighter, none of them well connected to the government. Maybe that was the point though, to show the humans what an average Andalite family looked like, or maybe it had just been a random lottery. She didn't know, and felt a slight fear for her family, but what could she do? Just wait, that was all, just wait.

Soon, a skimmer came into view in the distance, and brought their charges to their scoop. The announcement had said they were a father and a daughter, the father being the expert human anthropologist. They did indeed look to be, the female looking like she was only on the cusp of adulthood while the father looked like he was old enough to have sired her. Another adult female hung back in the skimmer, but she obviously was not apart of their group. Estrid wondered where she was going, if it was to another family with a less than favorable stance with the council.

The father walked forward to greet them. He was wearing what she recognized as formal clothing, though his daughter was wearing casual clothes. In her brief experience on Earth she'd learn that clothes communicated a lot between humans, she wondered what the clashing signals meant.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Silas Krakow, and this is my daughter Katarina, and we are very pleased to meet you." He said, holding out his hand. The Andalites stared at it for a bit before he grabbed Norwith's hand and shook it.

"See? This is a handshake, its how we greet people when we wish to show people friendship," he explained.

(I see, what a….useful gesture.) Norwith said, wondering how such a thing had developed.

"Should I note they don't know how to handshake Dad?" Kate asked after they'd all shook hands in turn.

"Yes." He replied in a stiff tone, showing he knew what she was about.

(Well,) said Prince Balat interrupting, (we should continue on to Dr. Christine's host family then onto the board of advisor's meeting. Their things will be dropped by shortly.)

"Ciao," Kate said with a brief touch to her forehead before swaggering back to the skimmer.

Krakow tarried a few second before saying lowly, "Listen, if you _happen_ to find any boxes like these ones in my daughter's possessions," he showed them the cigarette pack, "please destroy them."

(Why?) asked Estrid.

"Because they're bad for her despite what she thinks." He told them.

"Shake that grove thang, Asphalt doesn't have all day!" Kate called to her father.

(Balat) he corrected her.

"Sure, so hurry up!" she added.

"Until later," he excused himself and joined the rest on the skimmer before disappearing into the distance.

(Well, they seem like a very interesting species.) her mother was the first to comment.

(She's not very respectful to her father at all,) Norwith observed.

(That may be their way,) his wife replied.

(They walk most interestingly, swing one foot out to catch another.) Ajhat interjected. (I wonder if many species on their planet do the same.)

Estrid remained silent, she was fearful she would somehow give herself away. Her family did not notice, lost in their own conjectures. They idled away the time during which the luggage arrived, but in politeness did not move, nor look into the boxes. It was only a few hours later when the humans arrived back from their meeting with the university head board.

(How did your meeting go?) The matron asked upon their return.

"Oh you know it was the usual, don't so this, do that, bull shit." Kate answered before her father could.

"What she means to say, it was informative," he clarified.

"Yeah, real informative," she said dryly as she opened one of the boxes and grinned when she found a pack of cigarettes.

(Your father said those were bad for you,) Estrid told her.

"So is breathing, what's your point?" Kate asked as she put the cigarette in her mouth and fumbled for a lighter.

(How could breathing possibly be bad for you?) Estrid asked incredulously.

"Chemicals in the air, ya know pollution."

(We have no pollution) Estrid told her.

"Well for you, but for all we know your atmosphere is slowly poisoning us. How much has it been studied?"

(It is very doubtful.)

"That doesn't mean it's not true. Don't believe the believable!" Kate cried thrusting an arm into the air.

(You must be a very foolish type of person) Estrid said, not quite sure what she was talking about but she knew she found it annoying. They were such argumentive creatures.

"Bite me!" Kate replied, and then her father intervened.

"Listen Kate, why don't you help me unpack while you have a smoke?" he asked, not denying it to her now, since he felt that her lack of nicotine was the reason she was getting snippy. She did as she was told finding the activity oddly calming. Though she was cursing Andalite arrogance in the back of her head the whole time.

* * *

A few miles away, Christine was unpacking as well. For the most part her reception had been warm from the family, indeed the youngest daughter was happily helping her unpack while asking her plenty of questions in the process about the objects.

(What is this?) Jilat asked.

"That is a book." Christine answered as she set up her camp bed.

(What does it do?) she asked as she held it upside down.

"It has information written on the pages, see?" she said as she took the book and put it right side up for the young female Andalite to see.

(I do.) Jilat said as she looked over the strange symbols that meant nothing to her. (What is this book for? What does it say?)

"Its actually a book of poetry, 'The Rubaiyat' of Omar Khayyam in Farsi. It's a great work of Eastern literature, and one of my favorites." Christine explained. She turned to the first page and read, "'Awake! for morning in the bowl of night Has flung the stone that puts the stars to flight: And lo! the hunter of the east has caught The sultan's turret in a noose of light.' Ah, it is such a beautiful work."

(I hope one day then, I'll be able to enjoy it as well,) Jilat said, caught more by Christine's nostalgia then the pull of the words, for she did know the meaning of half of them.

Before Christine could answer, Jilat's mother, Jahar, joined them. (Daughter, I do not think Dr. Christine enjoys this pestering, why don't you allow her to unpack in peace?)

"No, no, that's all right Jahar, Jilat is only eager to learn and as a teacher I cannot deny her. Though Dr. Krakow, as I am sure she will find tomorrow, is much more eloquent than me at discussing human culture than me though my forte is language itself."

Jahar smiled a bit, (Very well then, but after you finish do join me and Alloran in a sharing of illispar root.)

"Of course" Christine answered, though after she did finish she found to her chagrin she couldn't exactly grind the root beneath her feet to enjoy it like her hosts. However after chewing on it and finding it tasted a bit like licorice, she _did_ enjoy it.

* * *

A/N: So now that we're into this I guess I should warn you that the pg-13 rating is because of more sexual things than because of violence (eventually) along with possible homosexual undertones, so if you don't like that stuff, I suggest you stop reading after this point. Oh yeah and review anyway of course. 


	3. Chapter Three

The sun in her face through the door flaps was the thing that woke up Kate the next morning. She coughed a few times as she sat up and looked around and found home had only been a dream. It had been the first night in a very long time she'd spent in a tent, her father nor she had never been outdoor types. But the cluttered habitat of books, clothes, and personal possessions was home. She moved a few books atop a box of clothes to find her pack of smokes before shuffling outside after pulling on an overcoat over her cherry pajamas. This way she wouldn't have her dad breathing down her neck while she was getting her nicotine fix.

She'd started smoking when she was nineteen, after she'd been set free. She'd smoked a cigarette as soon as she was out of the ICU and could go outside to celebrate her new freedom, and had simply never stopped. It was just her way of expressing she was able to make her own choices now.

She walked barefoot across the rough, dewy lawn to her host's home or "scoop" as they had called it. She saw that though the kids were gone, the parental units were not, and since there was really no door to knock on to gain entrance with, she stopped at the edge of the scoop and called, "May I come in?"

(Of course,) Norwith answered.

She took a step down into the side of the scoop, "Um, listen, I'd like to bathe…but I'm unsure how to go about it…?" she asked, she always took a shower in the morning when she could, it was as much apart of her routine as her first cigarette.

They looked confused at her for a few second, (or maybe that was just their "neutral" expression ) before the woman, or Zoloft (Kate had laughed for five minutes straight when she told her that was her name) said, (Do you not simply wash your bodies in water?)

"Of course we do, I was just wondering if you used a stream or a tub around here," Kate clarified rubbing her neck slightly abashedly.

(Tub? Why contain the water? Do you not have bodies of water on your planet?) Norwith asked.

"Of course we do, but since there's lots of bacteria or if the water's really cold…" Kate put a hand to her forehead, "Just, listen, its too early in the morning for discussions. I'll see you after breakfast." She excused herself.

"You're up early", her father said to her as she walked back into the tent. "You aren't usually up until 8:00." He told her as he looked for his own clothes for the day.

"Oh, I just couldn't sleep, what with getting to spend a whole day with a bunch of tightwad aliens in a classroom." Kate answered digging some soap out of a previously unopened box.

He plucked the cigarette out of her mouth, "No smoking in the tent."

Kate growled in her throat but didn't argue, "And say good bye to hot showers, apparently Andalites have yet to discover the joys of indoor pluming."

"Huh?"

"You have to bathe in the stream, unless you send for a shower or something," she explained.

"I'll send for it at the first break," he decided.

Kate just smiled and after procuring some clothes for the day walked to the aforementioned stream. Hardly believing that a race that seemed to think it was God's gift to the galaxy didn't use indoor pluming. They can fly through Z-space, yet not boil water in their own home.

She choose apart of the stream she felt was sufficiently covered on all sides by foliage and tested the water temperature. It was cold, but not freezing, she'd get used to it soon enough, but she wasn't as sure she'd get used to being naked in an alien wilderness. Oh how that damn yeerk would have laughed its head off if it could see her now. She bit her lip as she disrobed, shivering at the crisp morning air. With her arms around her goose pimpled skin, she walked determinedly into the stream until the water was at waist level. Then stood there for a few minutes and just shivered.

"Okay, just shampoo, and wash, then you're done. Just _do_ it," she commanded herself, she closed her eyes and dove beneath the surface of the water to swim back to the shore to wet her hair and retrieve the shampoo and soap.

(What are you doing?)

Kate yelped and whirled around while trying to crouch and cover her body up as much as she could before she faced the intruder.

It was the daughter of course, Estrid.

"What does it look like? I'm bathing, and I request you give me my privacy _now_," Kate snapped as best she could with her jaw trembling.

(Why would you need privacy to bathe?) Estrid asked.

Kate stared at her for a few moments in shock, "Because I'm naked!"

(Naked?) Estrid asked.

"I don't have any clothes on!" Kate now practically yelled exasperated at this verbose alien.

Estrid glared at her, (I really don't care, but this my favorite place to perform the morning ritual, for the view is quite nice. And as my guest I ask that you show _me_ some courtesy.)

Kate snapped her mouth shut, this was just too bizarre. "Fine then," she said coolly, "I guess it doesn't really matter you're an alien anyway." She grabbed the shampoo and began wading back towards the middle of the stream.

(Is that why humans were artificial skins? Because they don't want others to see their naked bodies?) Estrid asked, she had always wondered about this. They were such an odd species indeed, afraid of their own bodies!

"Pretty much," Kate answered rubbing the shampoo into her hair.

(What is to fear though? You're body doesn't seem fearsome to me; rather vulnerable actually.) Estrid continued in giving her opinion in a superior tone that spoke subtlety of just what she thought of this human habit.

Kate didn't fail to catch it, and always candid she was prepared to tell it just like it was. Maybe that get her to shut her little trap." No, not fear, if we didn't wear clothes we'd always be preoccupied with sex."

(Sex?) Estrid repeated, feeling a slight flush creep up her body. Such a subject was taboo among Andalites but seeing Kate's smug expression, she wasn't going to back down. This was merely a…scientific discussion after all.

(Humans have such a high sex drive?) she pushed.

"Define 'high'" Kate asked.

(So high you cannot look upon each other without feeling it?) Estrid defined.

"Only if you're attracted to the person," Kate said before diving underwater to rinse her hair. When she rose back up she added, "And when you're repulsed by someone's appearance, you're grateful they wear clothes."

( I would not like to be a human then.) Estrid sniffed.

Kate bit her tongue and decided a different tactic then simply cussing her out. She smiled saucily at her as she walked out of the stream and said, "Yeah right, you know you want what I got."

(What are you talking about?)

Kate just laughed as she covered herself in her towel and walked away, it was the perfect last word after all. Leaving the Andalite utterly confounded and completely unaware she was the first female of her kind to get hit on by a human.

* * *

A/N: Hmmm, well that was a _naughty_ chapter. I liked it, tell me if you did too. ;)

_Birdie Num Num:_ You know, I didn't even get the pun in that until you mentioned it. Ironic huh? o.o

**Review or flame people!**


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